So recently I’ve started reminiscing about my dad. He passed away nearly four years ago and no one in my family really talks about it. My parents separated when I was seven and I have always been very close to my dad. I feel completely lost without him and it’s difficult finding similarities with other members of my family. When I think about my dad and look back at photos I instantly see how much we look alike and act the same. Sometimes I feel so sad when I see other people with their fathers who are there for them and get to see them grow up.
I have just completed my first year of uni and I just wish I could tell him how well I’ve done and to let him know that I’m going to be ok. I regret so many things and I just want to tell him that I’m so sorry that I wasn’t there when he died. I worry that if I was there more that I could have changed things and stopped him drinking and maybe he’d still be here.
I feel so awful when my younger sister asks about us growing up with my dad. When my parents divorced my other two sisters decided they didn’t want to see him anymore but I stayed at his every weekend. I can tell that my sister feels guilty and I wish I had the words to reassure her but the thing is I wish I saw him more too. I would do anything to change what happened.